#questioningyourchildabouttherapy #whathappensintherapystaysintherapy #dosanddonts #emotionalgrowthforkids
When your child begins therapy, it’s natural to want to know how they’re doing, whether the process is helping, and what exactly happens in those private sessions. However, the questions you ask—or avoid asking—can significantly impact your child’s therapeutic experience. While therapy is meant to be a space for healing, it’s also a space where your child should feel safe, supported, and independent in their emotional exploration.
Research shows that fostering this privacy is critical. In fact, a study published in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health found that adolescents who felt they had more privacy in therapy were more likely to engage in the process and experience greater long-term outcomes . To help parents support their child’s therapy without undermining this vital sense of security, it’s important to know which questions to ask—and which to avoid.
The Importance of Respecting Boundaries
Children, particularly adolescents, can feel vulnerable during therapy, and that sense of vulnerability can extend into their relationship with their parents. When children feel pressured to share details from their therapy sessions, they may become less open in therapy or start holding back key feelings out of fear that everything will be shared at home. This is counterproductive to the therapeutic process.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), one of the cornerstones of successful therapy is confidentiality, even for younger clients. Therapists maintain confidentiality not just because it’s ethically required, but because it builds trust and encourages open, honest communication . As a parent, respecting this boundary is crucial.
Questions You Should Avoid
While your intentions may be good, certain questions can lead your child to feel that their privacy is being compromised or that therapy is less about them and more about what you want to know. Here are some questions to avoid:
"What did you and your therapist talk about today?"This question can feel intrusive to a child and may lead to defensiveness. Therapy is meant to be a safe space where children can explore their thoughts and emotions without worrying about parental oversight. Research suggests that 70% of teens feel more comfortable when they know their parents won’t ask for a "report" after every session .
"Did the therapist say anything about me?"Therapy isn't about placing blame or pointing fingers, and framing the conversation this way could make your child feel like their therapist is evaluating family dynamics solely for your benefit. It’s important to remember that therapy is about helping the child, not dissecting relationships to place blame.
"Why do you need therapy anyway?"Asking this can diminish the value of therapy in your child's eyes. Even if you're genuinely confused or curious, it might come off as questioning the legitimacy of their feelings or experiences, which could lead your child to disengage from the process.
"Did your therapist give you advice?"While it’s tempting to know whether your child received actionable advice, therapy is often about exploration rather than quick fixes. Asking this can pressure your child to seek solutions before they’re ready.
Better Questions to Ask
While it’s important not to pry, there are ways to show your support without infringing on your child’s privacy. Here are some alternative, open-ended questions that reinforce your trust in both your child and their therapeutic journey:
"How are you feeling after your session?"This focuses on your child's emotional experience rather than the content of the session. It allows your child to open up about how the therapy is affecting them without feeling pressured to divulge details.
"Is there anything I can do to support you?"By offering your support, you empower your child to express their needs. It reinforces the idea that you're there for them on their terms, rather than as a source of scrutiny.
"How is therapy going for you?"This is a broad, non-intrusive question that shows your interest in the process without demanding specifics. It allows your child to share what they feel comfortable with while reminding them that their therapy is their personal journey.
"Do you feel comfortable talking about anything from therapy, or would you rather keep it private?"Giving your child the option to share or keep things private empowers them and builds trust between you. It communicates respect for their boundaries and reinforces that therapy is a confidential space.
The Role of the Parent in Therapy
Parents play an important role in the therapeutic process, especially when younger children are involved. However, it’s essential to remember that your role is one of support, not control. According to The Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, children who feel autonomy over their therapy are more likely to show improvements in emotional regulation and overall mental health .
In cases where the therapist feels it’s important to involve you in the process, they will usually initiate that conversation. Therapists often work collaboratively with parents while maintaining the child’s confidentiality. For instance, they might discuss general strategies for managing stress or supporting emotional well-being at home without disclosing private details of the sessions.
Encouraging Emotional Growth
By asking supportive, open-ended questions, and avoiding those that could infringe on your child’s sense of privacy, you create a healthier environment that encourages their emotional growth. Therapy is about building trust—not just between the therapist and the child, but also within the family unit. When parents respect the boundaries of therapy, they help foster an environment where children feel safe, respected, and empowered to engage in the therapeutic process.
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